Mother of all Bombs


18 April 2017

“Good morning, Ted.”

“Hey, Dennis, I’m freezing here, just waiting for the sun to come over that building… I gotta stop drinking, man. I thought I could stop, but I keep getting drunk. This is the last week in my apartment. My worker is going to come by to let me know what is available. It’ll probably be across the river, rent is lower there.”

“That’s where I used to live, near the strip club.”

“I got hauled out of that strip club on my wedding day.”

I asked, “How was your weekend?”

“It was bad. I’m too embarrassed to even talk about it… I was pretty drunk… They called the police on me… Okay I’ll tell you what happened. I was panning in my usual place in front of the hotel. A woman came by. I’ve met her before. She sat down and asked if I had a beer. I pulled out two beer and we drank them. Then she asked if I had ten bucks. I said, ‘Sure.’ and gave her the ten. She said, ‘Come up the steps with me.’ So I did. She dropped her panties and lifted up her little black skirt. I said, ‘I can’t drop my pants here. There are people around.’ She was backed against the wall, I unzipped my fly and we were going at it. An old couple stopped and said, ‘Don’t do that in public, you pig. I’m calling the police.’ Cars were at the stop light honking their horns; guys were giving me the thumbs up. The police never came, but I felt like a shit. I saw her again the next night. She sat down and asked if I had any speed. I gave her two tabs. I usually buy four at a time. I only take a half, but she popped two at once. She said, ‘Thanks, but no sex tonight.’

“The panning has been slow. I was out ten hours and only made fifty bucks.”

I said, “I was talking to Bearded Bruce. He was out eleven hours and only made sixty. It must be bad for everybody. I’ve heard that Mondays and rainy days are bad, summer is slow. Bruce prefers it when it’s thirty below.”

Ted continued, “Trump is sure shaking things up. Did you hear that the ‘mother of all bombs’ was dropped on Afghanistan. The 21,000-pound bomb had a blast radius of one mile. It broke windows three miles away and knocked out all of the tunnels used by the Taliban. Scarier than that is the aircraft carrier the US sent to North Korea. Neither of the leaders are known for backing down. We may be looking at the start of World War Three.


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